7 Panthers
by Shaderem X
Summary: A mysterious group of identity-swapping bandits fight to extend their barrage of equipment like everyone else and survive in a world long overcome by the dead, until they are recruited into a larger community against their will and tasked with killing a man who is believed to be the Second Coming of God.


"Tits," said Honey. "Tits are what make this world go round. I mean, when you think about it, tits are the first thing a guy really sees. I mean, you can definitely say it's not the first thing you see, but you can go fuck yourself, because it is, and you know it. If a girl has small tits, then you're not gonna' wanna' fuck her, because a girl with less attributes is considered, by evolutionary standards, to be unsuitable to carry on efficiently sustaining offspring. From the dawn of time, men like us have sought out bitches with the finest tits and ass and, depending on the time, certain other things we deemed attractive. Back in the 60's, porky bitches were considered model material, but today-or when the world was normal-girls with a size 0 and hip bones as sharp as boxcutters are all that pass for Victoria's Secret. Why? Because attractive implies health, and health means better, stronger offspring. There was a time when civilization didn't call for that dire necessity, because we weren't in danger of extinction. Hell, it was just a few years ago before the dead starting walking the Earth that we could have married, fucked, and died old with a hideous bat and we didn't have to lose sleep over the fact that we were screwing humanity's future over, but now that time has passed. Now that the dead are outnumberin' the living, we are forced to make the best and the strongest to fight our way back up the food chain. I mean, I love chivalry, and I hate objectifying women, but even back then I wasn't fuckin' Melissa McCarthy anytime soon-talented and wholesome of a woman though she may have been. But now... now we have to be dicks and say no to even an average woman, because average women don't mean good for the future. We need women with the best attributes, the best strength, the best everything... and that is why big tits will be the salvation of the human race. Big tits are great attributes, and great attributes are blah blah blah. We fuck, make strong kids. Humans win."

Silence.

The fire continued to flicker on, the crackling of the flame occasionally startling the rest of the group.

"Now I don't seem so crazy for saying Kim Kardashian was the perfect human being." Honey put the toothpick in his mouth and smiled a triumphant smile.

"Honey," said Alicia, "first off, I'm going to pretend your little disturbing monologue wasn't just preached and say that anyone who thinks Kim Kardashian was the perfect human being should have their head fuckin' examined. Second off, now that I'm NOT pretending your patriarch's monologue wasn't just spewed out of your filthy mouth, I'm going to say that you're the type of evolutionist that creationists were talking about back in the world. Big tits equals the salvation of the human race? What, are you gonna' say blonde hair and blue eyes are the second and third salvations? Huh, Hitler?"

Honey scoffed.

"And don't be fucking with Melissa McCarthy in whatever sanctimonious sermons you have stored in that fat head of yours. She was much more attractive than Kim, inside and out, even if it wasn't a conventional attractiveness."

"Look, look, look, look," said Honey, taking the toothpick out of his mouth and raising his hands in a defensive position. "All I was saying is that we need an open mind. Everyone comments on how the generations were once getting smarter, and now they're getting dumber. It's because at one point, we were choosing the suitable women. And now that we have reached that point of choosing women who are 'beautiful on the inside,' the generations are are not only mentally lame, but they're physically lame. Have you seen what passed as a high school freshman when the schools were in? They looked like what were, in my day, 6th grade children just growing their first pubic hairs. We're becoming dumber and smaller-or were, anyway-and I think it's because women started stepping up and demanding equality, and suddenly the average ones started looking more attractive. So I have to say the decline of humanity started with women's rights, and all of-"

The rest of the group groaned in disbelief before he could finish the rest of that sentence.

"Honey, Honey," said Travis, "I gotta' admit, Alicia's in the right here. Your view is a bit ridiculous."

"But it isn't! If you would just knock off what you believe is socially acceptable, you would open your mind and realize that I have a point."

"Woman hating isn't a point, it's an opinion," said Martha. "Much like Nazism, as Alicia brought up."

"Enough with that Nazism crap. I could never hate women. I love women, and not just in THAT way. It's just that now that humanity has fully come to an end, we have to start thinking in a Jenga fashion. Which piece was truly keeping it all together? And which piece, when it was taken out, caused it all to fall the fuck down?"

"And that piece was the 19th Amendment?" asked Alicia.

"The what?"

"Women's suffrage."

"Women's voting? No. The moment women starting waltzing into the workforce, maybe."

The rest of the group looked at each other with a humorous disbelief.

"I didn't believe we had a potential cult leader in the group," said Travis with a laugh. "What do you think, Billy? You haven't said anything at all yet."

The usually boistrous Billy sat with his arms crossed, staring blankly into the fire.

"Billy?" asked Alicia, a look of concern on his face. "You okay?"

The fire flickered more rapidly as the breeze began to pick up. It reflected off of Billy's eyes as he blinked around three times a minute. It was apparent he had nothing to say.

"I know that look," said Travis. "I call it the relapse look. I've had it so many times. You just get to thinkin' about life back in the world-kind of like you do everyday. Except it just snowballs and snowballs until it's almost like a trance. And not a pleasant one."

Billy did not say anything. He only scoffed.

"That's wonderful, chief," said Honey.

"Hey, Honey, you should do us all a favor and think about having one of those trances if it ends up doing for you what it does for Billy," said Travis.

At this, the entire group laughed (except for Billy, accordingly).

Suddenly, a large siren began to howl in the distance. A tornado siren.

"Oh," said Travis. The rest of the group stood up. "There it is. Seems about time, what with the wind picking up."

Honey began to snuff out the flame as Travis rolled up the sheets. Alicia started packing what equipment they had back into their bags as Martha began to pray for the group. Billy sat all the same, but with no light to ignite his eyes anymore.

"Alright. You know the deal. From this moment on, we're virtually sandwiched. All the Picks are stumbling toward that siren right about now, meaning the ones in front of us and behind us. We move at the appropriate pace, we won't run into the ones in front and we won't fall behind to the ones in back. We'll reach the town in about 20 minutes, I'd say, and by then, it should be filled with a decent amount of Picks to say hello to with our bats and shovels. Honey, you find the boy. Alicia, you man the sniper rifle. Only seven bullets, so if you waste any, I'll personally whip the shit out of you when it's all done."

"You'll try, anyway," said Alicia, a quick wink.

"Martha, when you hear my blow horn, you detonate the charges surrounding the church. And Billy-"

Travis looked down to Billy, who still sat on his throne of a log.

"Billy."

With almost an attitude, he looked up to Travis.

"You find that poor bastard who took the girl," said Travis, pulling out a pair of pliers and throwing it onto Billy's lap. "And you pull that fuck to safety from the Picks, and you use your imagination from there. But might I remind you that our guy was a convicted sex offender back in the day, so I'd advise you do with those pliers what God would."

Billy nodded, stuffing the pliers into his back pocket.

"I hear Picks!" whispered Honey. "We gotta' move now."

Almost as if it was a shot of energy, everyone jolted into movement as the comment left Honey's mouth.

"Wait," said Travis, pulling Martha aside.

"What?" asked Martha, a rudeness in her voice as she watched the others hurrying ahead.

"We gotta' fucking go now, guys," whispered Honey, hurrying off with the two others.

"Martha," said Travis, looking around and getting close to her ear. "Remember. I'll blow the horn four times."

"I know! So what?!"

"I'm telling you this because if it's anything other than four, you do NOT set off the charges. If someone else gets ahold of my blow horn and sounds it, it would be over just like that. I need time to lock those kids in the church. Can't have any of 'em getting out before the boom. Understand?"

Martha stared into Travis's eyes, a remorseful fear in her eyes, not of him, but of what was about to ensue. Yet as quick as that look had occupied her face, a smile swept across it.

"I got you, boy. Those kids aren't getting out of that church."

Travis smiled as well.

"Good. Then let's get going."

Thunder crashed in the distance.

* * *

**I've taken a long break from FanFiction-very long actually. I'd forgotten how great it feels to submit the chapter that starts what you hope will be a story that entertains and captivates people. Having taken a long time away from FanFiction, I would very much like to welcome readers and ask that they could welcome me in their ranks as well, as I see it an honor to write for you guys. Really, I've always appreciated my readers of my previous story, Connected (which I regretfully never completed, but still garnered the attention of thousands of spectacular readers), and I will always ALWAYS appreciate anyone who can give me their honest views of my work.**

**I hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. Unlike how I did when I was a bit younger, I won't really speak on the chapters until it gets going a bit, so I'll leave it at that and have you wait for the coming Walking Dead-erisms. I recently completed the 3rd season and now anxiously await the 4th as many of you probably do, but I thought I'd give my celebratory addition to one of the greatest shows out there. If you haven't heard of me and if you happen to like my story, please feel free to go over to my other story and have a read. Although, I started writing it when I was 12, so there will be a bit of a writing quality difference, so please keep that in mind should you choose to take a visit. Nonetheless, I think many of you will find it a thrilling read if even I myself were to trust my other wonderful reviewers. :)**

**Thank you for reading this chapter, and I look forward to a wonderful return to this website and hearing from some amazing readers and writers alike.**

**Shaderem X / 7 Panthers****  
**


End file.
